Negativity. Gotta dump it out.

What, I actually really hate negativity. It's too easy for me to get affected by others' emotions because I care so much about what they think. It's weird. And because of that, I rarely spread any negativity so I don't see others being down. It's actually a truth to say that I'm lying to myself than that I'm a super positive person. Yeah, avoiding saying sad things can just be equal to running away from the truth, I guess. My optimism pushes me going forward; it keeps my life going. I feel like there's no other way. 

不知道到底为什么,我变得越来越难不带恶意去揣测别人。可能是因为家里人是个很理性、理性到甚至有些刻薄的性格,导致我总是带着一种审视或是批判的眼光;亦或者是因为想显示优越感,所以脑海里总有着“别人怎么样做都是错的都没有我好”的想法;又或者,是因为在网络上看了太多丑恶以至于对人的第一印象先入为主。每次意识到这个问题一种无力感都由心而生。我也很希望成为那种永远带着善意对待别人的人啊,努力地尝试着。但是在这么做的同时内心还是会有个声音清晰地抱怨嫌弃着。为了不让这个声音浮出表面,一直过的很小心翼翼。I want to be a nicer person but don't know how...

Why do I do so much self reflection. Why do I think that everyone's judging me. There's literally no one that cares.


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